Hearing is defined as “perceive via the auditory sense”. Listening is defined as “pay attention to a sound”.
We think we are listening when all we are doing is hearing. We hear people give us advice / ideas, but either do not have the time and patience to listen, or believe we already know the answer / are right in out thoughts. To be able to listen, we must be in a state of patience and have no perceived outcome.
Most of us probably believe we are humble when we really are just caught up in the rush of life and just trying to get by. Humility requires a lot of patience which is something most of us do not have time for. A way to check yourself is to ask:
Is what I am doing working? Is this really what I want?
To be able to find the true answer, one must step away from the craziness of life, understand what happiness really is, listen to others, and understand that the best answer may be hard as you may not understand it.
There is a fine line between humility and confidence.
Humility is a “lack of false pride”. Confidence is “a belief in yourself and your abilities”.
To be able to believe in yourself, you have pride. To be able to grow and adapt, you must be humble. Once you lean to far one way, you lose the other. Happiness requires one to be able to find a balance between these two idea. Believe in yourself but do not lose the concept that we are always learning and must be able to believe that we do not know everything.
Instant gratification is not gratifying.
We always think that obtaining something makes us happy. When you quickly obtain it, you lose out in half the fun which is hunting / working for it.
When something is “instant”, then it is easy to move on to something else that is instant. When you work for something, you cherish your prize more and will find greater pleasure in it.
May you always have to work hard for the things you get in life.
I have discussed earlier the differences about Right and Wrong. This is a difficult concept to believe in. Everyone thinks they are right and that everyone else is wrong. Let us go under this pretense and consider how life would be.
With everyone else being wrong, the person that is “right” must be in a constant battle. Everyone disagrees with them!
If one is always right and everyone else agrees with them, then life would be mundane. Everyone would be exactly the same!
Pleasures come from differences. We should embrace people’s differences and learn to appreciate them rather than find negativity with them. Life is like food, there are different spices for everyone to use on it.
When trying to understand why something is, we must remember that there was a beginning to it.
When it comes to teaching children, parents want to think kids understand everything we tell them. They do not. At times, parents need to understand that to teach children properly, we must teach them how and why things developed from the beginning. I am not talking about the beginning of time.
An example: Your child does not do their homework. It would be beneficial to them to understand that they may not have been taught proper discipline and why homework is important. Once they understand the foundation of the issue, deeper issues such as their desire to do the homework can be addressed.
The interesting thing I have noticed is once people truly understand why things are, they are able to make better decisions.
This concept is not only for children. The challenge for adults is that we do not have someone to guide us.
Let us deal in the hypothetical. Say you were in a boat that sunk and you were wise enough to put on your life preserver before the boat went down. Another victim to this tragedy comes up to you crying say are going to drown as they have nothing to hold on to. Do you:
A) Give them your life preserver
B) Let them hang on to you
You will probably pick B.
Here comes another victim and they want to hold on also. Do you:
A) Give them your life preserver
B) Let them hang on to you
You will probably pick B.
How many people will you let hang on to you? How long will it be till you drown yourself?
It is human nature to want to “save†others. At what cost though? There are cost that we are not even aware of when we are generous. We need to understand how often we are willing to “drown†in life and for what reasons.
The best type of action is action.
How many times have you thought “if only I would have ….”? Or maybe we complain about things such as “my kid should have …”. These type of statements allow us to vent emotions. Get the emotion out!
Then … TAKE ACTION!
When you think you should have done something, consider if there is something you can still do and do it. When you think your kids should have done something, teach them what you expect of them and expect it of them next time. You should succeed as much as you expect your child to succeed.
The best way to accomplish a task is with action. Actions can be words (e.g. teaching). The best type of actions are the ones that accomplish something and not just complain about things.
Kids will call dibs on things they want. When there is one last slice of chocolate pie, they want it! “DIBS! It’s mine!”
Oh no it is not!
This is one way kids will control their parents along with so many other techniques like using a tone of authority when asking a question or making statements instead of asking questions.
Parents must stand their ground. Teach your child that you make the decisions. Do not stress over this parents. One day, your child will be the leader of their house and you would have taught them the right way of leading.
Attempting to succeed and be the best we can is what makes us become better. Success may not be achieved in the first attempt hence why we must keep working at it.
Taking baby steps to accomplishing something is a valid approach. We must be careful when trying to be successful that it impedes us from acting. Failing leads to success so keep working at it.
There is NO right. There is NO wrong. There are ONLY DIFFERENCES.
We always want to prove to others that we are right/correct. This creates arguments, dislike, frustration, stress, and even hatred.
If we understood that people are different and understood to accept and embrace the differences, life could be so much better.
I completely believe in this. Discipline is required to teach. (see Child’s friend)
But what is discipline? Definitions for it are:
This is where human interaction and language gets interesting.
Let us say parent #1 disciplines their child by punishing them. The child will learn because they will figure out what they did wrong because they did not like being punished.
Parent #2 disciplines their child by teaching them. The child will learn through example and will figure out what they did wrong because they understand and trust their parent.
Parent #1 is talking to parent #2 and discussing discipline. “I discipline my child”. “So do I”. It sounds like they agree on disciplining children until they explain how. They will not agree on the other’s approach nor the expected results. Who is right? (see Right and Wrong)
Moving beyond the interesting issue of communication, how should one discipline their child?
As with everything in life, we must continue to adjust and tune the way we do things.
Take driving a car for example. If you swerve to the left, right, or stay straight, you may crash. You need to steer the car to stay on the road. Regardless of the direction you go in, the direction you need to go in will change at some point.
I was once asked “you are standing at the bottom of a mountain.. you look up and see how tall it is… how do you get to the top of it?”. I paused for a second, stood up, and then started walking. “What are you doing?”. “I am putting one foot in front of the other”.
I understand their point was that they get overwhelmed. Not that actions we take must not be thought through but actions will never be taken until we put that one foot in front of the other.
You must first save yourself before you save your child.
When flying, you are instructed to put the mask on yourself first before putting it on your child. You can not save/help your child if you are incapable.
Life is simple. By making life more complicated (drama, desire for things we can not afforded, high expectations, ect.), we make it more difficult but that is our choice. Just because we choose to make like more complicated does not mean life is not simple.